I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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