I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
