I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
