he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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