There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
