Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
