Apparently you make a good broom.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
it's great music for shaving your balls
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
