the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
