I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she looked like the before picture.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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