she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
