just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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