i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We’re leaving where are you
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