You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
