I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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