I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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