Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
