I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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