I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
