I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
