I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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