My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
