They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
