Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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