Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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