I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
