Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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