Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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