So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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