Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
