You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
