it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
