I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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