yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
