Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
