I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
