I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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