Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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