tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you will always have a special place in my vag
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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