The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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