i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
