Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
