im about as happy as oj after his trial
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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