hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
