Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
