If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
