Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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