On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
