ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
