i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
that's an acceptable place to lick
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
