you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
