so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
