Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize