Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
This toilet bowl is my home.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
