I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
