she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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