i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
