She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
