a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
