Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
