happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
