You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
