if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
