So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm just crazy horny about you
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
