were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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