I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
