You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
