how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
