After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
