If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
