I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
