the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We are two peas in an std pod
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
