I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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