Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Your cock deserves a montage
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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