You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
