you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
