I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
