I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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