I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You are the jesus of drinking
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
