You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Randomize
