I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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