I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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