i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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