he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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