I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he fucked my hip out of place.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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