got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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