i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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