it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
