I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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