Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
