let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
