eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
