SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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