Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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