Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
