she looked like the bat from fern gully.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
