Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This house was built for laser tag.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
