He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
