No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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