My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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