I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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