I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize