Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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