Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
