Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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