Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
