She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
