we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I want a musical about memes.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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