her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
