forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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