he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
