I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
